So Beautiful
by Psycho Goddess
Summary: Lily was an overnight musical success, it seemed. She returns to Roscoe High to play a dance. [Rily-ish one shot]


**Title**: So Beautiful

**Summary**: Lily was an overnight musical success, it seemed. She returns to Roscoe High to play a dance. [Rily-ish one shot]

**Pairings**: Ray/Lily. It's a sickness, really.

**Rating**: PG

**Category**: Angst

**Author's Notes**: Ugh, it happened again. Still sorry about the last one. And beware, this fic features a slightly older, serious for the moment Ray. Creepy, I know.  And as another warning, this just gets more and more OOC. At least the grammar's okay?

'The Tower' is an actual song, by Vienna Teng. It's a beautiful song, and I couldn't write songs to save my life, so I stole… erm, borrowed, and edited these. Sorry.

Also, anyone interested in beta-ing whatever other monstrosities emerge from my mind, feel free to leave an email address to contact you with. Thanks loads. -

**Disclaimer**: Radio Free Roscoe isn't mine, and neither are the lyrics to Dashboard Confessional's 'So Beautiful' or Vienna Teng's 'The Tower'.

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---

_I heard that you were home again, but you don't look like you're back to me  
With your focuses changing,_

_Your gaze is transfixed on a point that I can't often see  
You've got your new ties, I've got my old knots, you've got your inside lines  
But you're never happy with what you've got_

---

            He couldn't believe it. Lily was coming back, to play at a Roscoe High dance. And she hadn't even told him; he had found out from Kim Carlisle. _Of all the people_, he thought, exhaling loudly. Musical success had changed his childhood friend. She was too busy to pick up a phone and say "Hey! Guess what Ray? I'm going to be in town. Maybe we could catch up." Nope, not this Lily.

            She had promised, when she had been signed, to stay in touch. And while he could hardly turn on a TV or radio without hearing her music, his email inbox remained suspiciously empty. He had stopped by her home- correction, her parents' home- to ask when Lily was flying in. The dance wasn't until Friday, but he imagined she'd be in Wednesday at the latest. Maybe give them a chance to hang out like the old days.

            Much to his surprise, she answered the door in all her glory- wrapped in a bathrobe with some green gunk on her face.

            "Ray," she said, attempting to add some enthusiasm to her voice. She fell flat, and grimaced a little. "Come in."

            She retreated upstairs, and he headed for the living room. When she came down a few minutes later, she was dressed in jeans and a tee inscribed with the wisdom 'Girl's kick ass… Says so on a t-shirt'. No makeup; she hadn't had the time. Sitting beside him, Lily wrung her hands nervously and sought a conversation opener.

            "Some weather we're having, huh?" Ray asked, immediately groaning at his stupidity. "What's it like in LA?"

            "I wouldn't know," she shrugged. "I have an apartment there, and I think I've spent a grand total of three nights in it. I'm spending more time on the bus. It's crazy."

            "Are you enjoying it?"

            "Of course," she replied automatically. "Why wouldn't I?"

            "I don't know. I don't think I'd enjoy it much."

            "Well you're not me, are you?" she snapped. "Sorry. Jetlag."

            "So, do you want to call Robbie and Travis? Maybe hang out at the station?"

            "No thanks. Nice thought, but no."

            "Alright," Ray responded uncertainly. Did she really think she was better then RFR?

---

_  
I heard that you were living well, but you don't look like you're living to me  
Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see  
You've got them all convinced, but I know it so well  
That you could list your friends, but you can't count on them  
  
_

---

            "I hear you have a new CD coming out," he commented. "The 'much anticipated follow up to Shady Lane.'"

            "Yeah. It'll be good," came her reassurance, though he did not ask for it.   

            "What's it called?"

            "If I told you, I'd have to kill you," she replied, attempting a moment of levity. But the humour failed to reach her eyes, stopping firmly at the derisive curl of her lips. She looked tired, Ray realized as he studied her profile. Touring must have taken a lot out of her; he immediately felt guilty for resenting her lack of communication.

"Pronto."

            "What?"

            "That's the name of the CD. Pronto. The record label nearly had a fit, but I got my way in the end. They didn't want to risk their asset," she snorted self-deprecatingly.

            "You're not just a profit, you know."

            "I'm not so sure about that," confessed Lily. But even this sad statement was had a hardened edge to it; cynicism was almost second nature by now.

            "Well, I know it doesn't mean much, but you're not a profit to me."

            "What am I then?"

Identity crisis at seventeen. It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

            "You're my best friend."

            "Yeah, and I'm so good at it."     

            "Well, you could use a _little_ work," he admitted. "And you can start by getting your single dropped off the charts real quick. If I hear 'The Tower' one more time, I'll probably lose my mind."

She guffawed and punched his arm lightly. "I know what you mean."

            She seemed more at ease now, more like the Lily he knew.

            "So, do you want to go to the station? And even if the guys aren't around, we could always do a stupid broadcast nobody hears."

            She smiled, and then shook her head. "I better not."

            "You're more than a product," Ray repeated, tenderly this time. _You're beautiful Lily_, he added mentally, _and not even they can change that_.

            "Thanks Ray. Do you want something to drink?"

            "Sure."

            She disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing moments later with two glasses in hand.

            "Iced tea, three cubes, little umbrella," she recited. "I didn't forget."

            She sat again, and they made idle conversation. They had gotten passed their initial unease, but they had yet to regain their comfortable familiarity.

"You're a terrible liar," he commented out of the blue. It was a shot in the dark, but sometimes even shots in the dark hit the target. He knew he had when she sat straight up and cast him a guilty glance.

            "What am I lying about?" she asked, desperately seeking to regain the equilibrium.

            "Being happy."

            "That's a very presumptive statement Ray."

            "I stand by it."

            "Why wouldn't I be happy? I'm meeting all those musicians I admire, people are hearing my music, I'm on tour… It's a good life."

            "You're meeting people instead of idols, Lil. People are hearing what the record label wants you to release. You're on tour. And all your buddies… you never really know why they hang out with you. First you think it's because they like you, but then you start to wonder. Maybe you realized you could count your 'friends', but you couldn't count on them. Doesn't sound like that much fun to me."

            "You've gotten wise on me Ray. Spending too much time with Travis?"

            "Without you to keep me in line…" he shrugged.

            "Good answer," she smirked, taking a sip of iced tea.

---

_  
Hold it now  
You've got everyone convinced that your alright  
When no one else is quite as vulnerable  
  
_

---

            Miranda Jenkins was Ray's date for the dance. And as his luck would have it, she came down with the chicken pox Friday morning. The chicken pox! Honestly. Still, he couldn't wait to see Lily in action. When he arrived, he sought out Travis and Robbie, along with their respective dates. They were happy to see him; even happier to tease his stag status.

The first set was uneventful, with his friends occasionally heading for the dance floor for a number or two. When Lily took a break, Ray nodded and waved, but let her be.

"I'm sure you've been waiting all night for my current single," came a familiar voice from the darkened stage. Hoots and whistles accompanied Lily's statement. "Well, I've decided to give the guys a song off. This is going out to someone very special, because without him I wouldn't be where I am today. Despite the dead frogs and everything else. So here it is, a very special acoustic version of 'The Tower', for our very own Ray Brennan."

Ray laughed; she had lost her wicked sense of humour.

A spotlight was trained on Lily, sitting on a stool with her old guitar in hand.

"_The one who survives by making the lives/Of others worthwhile/She's coming apart/Right before my eyes_," she sang a gentler version of her hit. "_The one who depends on the services she renders/To those who come knocking/She's seeing too clearly what she can't be/What understanding defies_…"

A few people turned their heads, searching for Ray. He was near the back of the gym, but one by one the students found him. They watched him carefully, trying to judge the relative significance. With just a guitar accompanying it, the lyrics seemed more significant somehow; more weighted.  
            "_She says I need not to need_

_Or else a love with intuition_

_Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go_

_I need not to need_

_I've always been the tower_

_But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow_"

Ray couldn't help the small smile that formed on his lips, though it felt wrong. She really was talented, and this was one of _her_ songs; she had been working on a very rough draft of it when she had left. He had heard many variations of these verses, and his smile split into a full fledged grin at the next- the radio version was different, but she stuck to her original for this show.

"_She turns out the light anticipating night falling  
Tenderly around her _

_And watches the dusk  
The words won't come"_

He remembered the night that had inspired it. Both of them sitting on her front porch, watching the sun set. A 'Good Luck Lily' banner was above their head, about to fall down. Everyone else had left; the party had ended at two but Ray had stayed around under the pretense of helping clean up. The truth was, he didn't want to disappear just yet. Lily was leaving in the morning, and things would never be the same

Her long blonde hair had been tucked back with a bandana, providing an unobstructed view of her face. It was with no little amusement he noticed the setting sun provided an ethereal glow to her features, making her appear barely there. It would be easy to reach out and touch her shoulder, to reassure him. He didn't. The irrational fear that she wasn't had subconsciously supplanted itself into his cerebral cortex, and he was frozen.

"Hand me my guitar, would you Ray?" she asked suddenly, breaking the enchantment. She was just Lily again; capable and beautiful and blissfully unaware of how he felt. He'd never tell her now, not now and not ever. Chances had slipped by too often, and she was about to embark on an adventure. It was futile.

His memory supplied the next words; she had sung them that evening. Improv was often her best work.

"_She carries the act so convincingly the fact is  
Sometimes she believes it  
That she can be happy the way things are  
Be happy with the things she's done"_

He moved towards the stage now, closer. He wanted to see her expression; it was the same as he remembered. Eyes closed, transporting her somewhere else. He used to think that it would be in front of an audience, but now he wasn't so sure. His eyes drifted down, watching her nimble fingers strum the guitar as if by their own accord.

_"Reach out, but hold back  
Where is safety?  
Reach out and hold back  
Where is the one who can change me?  
Where is the one?"_

Lily's voice cracked momentarily before she corrected it, and Ray's eyes instinctively sought her face. The light reflected off her skin, revealing the tear escaping from her closed eye. It landed on the guitar, giving the dark wood to a glossy sheen.

_"She says I need not to need_

_Or else a love with intuition_

_Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go_

_I need not to need_

_I've always been the tower_

_But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow_

            _The danger and the power_

_And the friend on the phone"_

Lily finished her song, and the room erupted into applause. She sat her guitar down and stepped off the stage. She met Ray on the edge of thedance floor; in the movies this was the part they collapsed in each others' arms and pledged their undying love. Thankfully, this wasn't the movies.

"Nice song Lily. One thing though… I never killed Jumpy Jr. That was you shaking the box. And you only stunned him."

"Now you tell me," she laughed, punching him in the arm. Then she smiled, and hugged him. And he knew then that when she'd leave, there'd be an email in his inbox.

---

_Careful now  
You're so beautiful, when you've convinced yourself  
When no one else is quite as beautiful  
   
  
_

…………….

::The End::


End file.
